"Trees have realized everything"
Like an addict there are bottles skewed all over my floor. Water bottles. But bottles none the less. Dishes piled in my sink, garbage lying about.
The condition and design of one’s home reflects its occupant. And any indication of me in this mess, would point to my busy and chaotic life. But it is only as busy and as chaotic as I allow it to be. And right now as I drift through periods of long, slow boredom, or shake from the speed of my life while reminding myself to slow down. I wonder the implications of it all.
This is my life.
Why didn’t anyone tell me?
And where do all these people come in? A spider web.
I am a stranger in this world. A world that is supposedly mine, but that does not belong to me. It has nothing to do with me.
What happened to the things I knew? Or at least I thought I knew.
Is knowledge fluid?
Did it seep out of my head while I lay sleeping?
I see the empty bottles but I see no trace as to where all the water has gone.
Love. A difficult topic. What are the real reasons? Have I always expected something in return? Was that where I was let down, disappointed, jaded? Expectations. Yes, a dangerous word. Love, something that can rock your foundation and divide continents. Love, the preparation for it somehow translates our minds on focusing on the body, all the while our soul has already set out planning a date. The encounter, too passionate to be coincidence. Too unraveling to be anything but fate, leaves us blindsided. Light, airy, enchanted to finally share all the things we have been meaning to share. All that, and for nothing in return. Love does not demand love back. Nor does love entitle ownership. For people can not be owned, and so can not be lost. The freedom in love is just that.
Happiness. Happiness in the light, in the passion, in the excitement.
Contrast. For with light, comes dark, and with dark, light. The contrast to understand. The contrast to divide. The contrast, is subject to change.
Addictions, loneliness, new dreams, new desires, distractions? Where does life lead except to death? Morbid? Maybe. But no more than what everyday life shows us. This so called real life has no more to offer. So what then? Life. Living. Lived.
When we invent ourselves, create one another, and dream of changes to come, what is it that we are looking to achieve?
Achievement, always tempting with bitter after tastes. The desire to be more than what we think we can be, the desire to do something better, and for what? Is an achievement only an achievement when it is recognized? On whose shoulders does the obligation fall on to identify an action as an achievement? Is this where we separate our trash from our treasures?
Questions, so many questions. I feel my head is going around in circles. Looking inward, outward, praise this, love that, feel, don’t forget to feel. Think, be here now, think about your future, don’t live in the past.
It has taken me 2 years to realize that I live here. And a moment to realize where here is. The notion of home that I keep referring to, that place does not exist. The home that carries my childhood memories has been sold to the highest bidder. That door has been shut and I no longer own a key.
Am I a nomad? Maybe. Is that why I am stockpiling? I have reverted back to the hunter and gatherer?
Must always have the good to haves close by. Must cross off all possible what ifs. Fear. Planning. Looking ahead, looking ahead. What day is it? Are we not in 2010 yet?
Suggestions. Know more about the world, read more, think more.
In this place, I hardly ever turn on my tv.
I don’t read the newspaper. I never have, except for the comic section in the my mother’s Sunday paper.
When did I shut out the world outside and start the process of collecting thing? Searching, and carrying them back to my hovel so that I can stay warm and occupied when the snow comes.
Has it been perpetually winter?
I read on the back of a t-shirt today that “Trees have realized everything”, which gave me great relief, laughter, and bewilderment. One side of my brain reverted back to my days studying philosophy. The statement turned into a logic equation, which turned into deconstructionism, which turned into bewilderment. The other side, agreed, laughing in the simplicity of it all, and questioned why none of us had taken time to ask.
Trust. Be honest. Ask.
Like an addict there are bottles skewed all over my floor. Water bottles. But bottles none the less. Dishes piled in my sink, garbage lying about.
The condition and design of one’s home reflects its occupant. And any indication of me in this mess, would point to my busy and chaotic life. But it is only as busy and as chaotic as I allow it to be. And right now as I drift through periods of long, slow boredom, or shake from the speed of my life while reminding myself to slow down. I wonder the implications of it all.
This is my life.
Why didn’t anyone tell me?
And where do all these people come in? A spider web.
I am a stranger in this world. A world that is supposedly mine, but that does not belong to me. It has nothing to do with me.
What happened to the things I knew? Or at least I thought I knew.
Is knowledge fluid?
Did it seep out of my head while I lay sleeping?
I see the empty bottles but I see no trace as to where all the water has gone.
Love. A difficult topic. What are the real reasons? Have I always expected something in return? Was that where I was let down, disappointed, jaded? Expectations. Yes, a dangerous word. Love, something that can rock your foundation and divide continents. Love, the preparation for it somehow translates our minds on focusing on the body, all the while our soul has already set out planning a date. The encounter, too passionate to be coincidence. Too unraveling to be anything but fate, leaves us blindsided. Light, airy, enchanted to finally share all the things we have been meaning to share. All that, and for nothing in return. Love does not demand love back. Nor does love entitle ownership. For people can not be owned, and so can not be lost. The freedom in love is just that.
Happiness. Happiness in the light, in the passion, in the excitement.
Contrast. For with light, comes dark, and with dark, light. The contrast to understand. The contrast to divide. The contrast, is subject to change.
Addictions, loneliness, new dreams, new desires, distractions? Where does life lead except to death? Morbid? Maybe. But no more than what everyday life shows us. This so called real life has no more to offer. So what then? Life. Living. Lived.
When we invent ourselves, create one another, and dream of changes to come, what is it that we are looking to achieve?
Achievement, always tempting with bitter after tastes. The desire to be more than what we think we can be, the desire to do something better, and for what? Is an achievement only an achievement when it is recognized? On whose shoulders does the obligation fall on to identify an action as an achievement? Is this where we separate our trash from our treasures?
Questions, so many questions. I feel my head is going around in circles. Looking inward, outward, praise this, love that, feel, don’t forget to feel. Think, be here now, think about your future, don’t live in the past.
It has taken me 2 years to realize that I live here. And a moment to realize where here is. The notion of home that I keep referring to, that place does not exist. The home that carries my childhood memories has been sold to the highest bidder. That door has been shut and I no longer own a key.
Am I a nomad? Maybe. Is that why I am stockpiling? I have reverted back to the hunter and gatherer?
Must always have the good to haves close by. Must cross off all possible what ifs. Fear. Planning. Looking ahead, looking ahead. What day is it? Are we not in 2010 yet?
Suggestions. Know more about the world, read more, think more.
In this place, I hardly ever turn on my tv.
I don’t read the newspaper. I never have, except for the comic section in the my mother’s Sunday paper.
When did I shut out the world outside and start the process of collecting thing? Searching, and carrying them back to my hovel so that I can stay warm and occupied when the snow comes.
Has it been perpetually winter?
I read on the back of a t-shirt today that “Trees have realized everything”, which gave me great relief, laughter, and bewilderment. One side of my brain reverted back to my days studying philosophy. The statement turned into a logic equation, which turned into deconstructionism, which turned into bewilderment. The other side, agreed, laughing in the simplicity of it all, and questioned why none of us had taken time to ask.
Trust. Be honest. Ask.
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